i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize