I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
