Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize