He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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