oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
