That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I intend to get homeless drunk
You're like the curious george of whores
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
