you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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