I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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