2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
