His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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