I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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