Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We talked him into tasing himself.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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