in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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