I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
