i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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