my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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