Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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