I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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