Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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