What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you would pick up someone in the library
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
