No, drunk sperm still make babies.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
