She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
