if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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