What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
