I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
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Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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