If i come over, it means nothing
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
