marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
