rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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