Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You can't motorboat a personality
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
