New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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