i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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