i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
