the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
