i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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