The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
my god I love twenty year old dicks
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
