When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
