I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
