I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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