I wanna bring you to show and tell
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
