I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
