Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
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This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
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Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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