In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
