I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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