i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
