I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
