What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
