I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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