I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize