there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
As shirtless as possible
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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