I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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