I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
