They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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