I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
