Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
