hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
