yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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