can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
