I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
