She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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