Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
