hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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