Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
