i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
