Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
