After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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