he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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