im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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