If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
