I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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