a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
